For those of you who have been following my blog know that I have borderline personality disorder aka BPD. So I came to know today that whatever meds I am on will only help me till I am taking them… So that means that either I will have to take them for a long, long time or look for some alternative. Seems like life has thrown me yet another curve ball.
Feeling lost and lonely Dunno what to do Someone show me the way Know not what to say…
Have booked an appointment with another doctor for tomorrow. Let’s see how that goes. I’m trying not to be too pessimistic about it.
Fallen into a dark hole again Waning strength, waned hope A smile or two I feign For people ’round me I remain…
I’m just so tired of it all that I feel like giving it all up sometimes especially right now…But somehow I have to get up and keep going through the motions…
The watcher inside me The one beyond sight See and see and see No malice yet might
It keeps sentry Day or night No end, no entry No dark, no light
One day I’ll be one with it One day I’ll see all that it sees One day I’ll watch all that rises does fall One day I’ll feel all alive does die One day I’ll sense all dead beings rising One day I’ll whisper the key to living One day I’ll teach the one language to all!
If reincarnation is true and based on one’s own deeds, I wonder if one meets the same people one has already met in the past lives living the prescribed roles defined by one’s karma or does one meet new people in every new life just for the purpose of screwing over the karma some more?
Truth is difficult – Very much so. People might believe in the vague idea of truth being good always and might even think that they are truthful to others and themselves but when the push becomes a shove hardly anyone stands by it. It’s easier to keep on believing in things one always did than accept that one might actually be wrong. I don’t know the need for such self-deception except that it is effortless, doesn’t require intense analysis and efforts to improve oneself, to grow, develop and evolve into a better version. The unknown is vast, uncharted, immeasurable and infinitely scary. Leaving behind the known realms of self on a journey to an unknown plane takes immense inner strength, determination and the purest form of passion. It takes a pure, powerful mind free from any preconceived notions, ideas or bondage of all kinds to not only perceive truly the strange vistas one comes across on this journey as they are in their form, structure and matter but also to encompass the strange visions with wisdom, to understand and assimilate them without breaking down. Such is the quest for truth. The path is arduous with will-o-wisps leading down to bogs. One has to be very alert and attentive to their surroundings lest they be caught in a quagmire. Only the brave of heart and strong of determination can walk this path. Truth is difficult.
Self-improvement is just a concept – It is like a shiny ornament. Bright and beautiful to look at and show off to others. No one is really interested in it. It is like the latest fashion trends but with a longer shelf life. People love talking about it but that’s just empty noise with no substance to it. They don’t want to improve in any way. They love existing the way they have done since the beginning. The familiar is good, is comfortable. To accept the need for self-improvement is to accept that something is wrong with the current self and that is in direct contradiction to the precept – I am perfect! Ah inertia! We human beings are the perfect example of it. We continue to be in the state that we are unless and until something happens in the external world that makes us to stop, stand, look around and take a stock of our current situation. If the occurrence is stronger than our inertia then we make changes in ourselves or our situations. If it is not, then nothing happens. We continue as we were. The problem is that in most cases, the momentum required to create the change is very huge and not everyone can have occurrences of deep impacts in their lives. We have to sensitize ourselves to even the smallest opportunities that may arise for self-improvement. Sadly, we live in a world where the senses are overwhelmed by the constant bombardment of materialistic things. So, we just build elaborate lies around us and end up believing them. We don’t look inside our minds for answers. Self improvement is just a concept.