Will…

Get on with your life – says everyone… But how do you do so when you are stuck on the same old questions that have been plaguing you all of your existence… Do you just forget them? Or let go of them? Or make your peace with them? What do you do?

Peace – the elusive siren with her enslaving song… There she goes, on her merry way, snaring the wary and the unwary alike in her thrall… I hear her from a safe distance… And yet she’s made her stay in my being… I yearn for her, neither strongly nor softly, just enough that I can’t repose without making her my own…

Ah Peace! Where art thou? I question and crave your being, your existence… Yet, I’m yours, ever willingly…

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Keep Walking…

keep_walking

When life gets you down

Teases you, pushes you

Makes you fall

Makes you roll in the dirt

Just get up

Pat your dress

And move on

Keep walking.

Always in motion

Forever in movement

Keep walking

On and on.

Never give up

Don’t get down

There’s someone

More miserable

Down the road

There you go

Keep going

The road must lead

On and on

It might be crowded

With stones and thorns

Sweep them away

Be determined

Don’t be harsh

To fellow travellers

Show’em the path

Be good, be kind.

Keep walking!

Curve ball…

curveball

For those of you who have been following my blog know that I have borderline personality disorder aka BPD. So I came to know today that whatever meds I am on will only help me till I am taking them… So that means that either I will have to take them for a long, long time or look for some alternative. Seems like life has thrown me yet another curve ball.

Feeling lost and lonely
Dunno what to do
Someone show me the way
Know not what to say…

Have booked an appointment with another doctor for tomorrow. Let’s see how that goes. I’m trying not to be too pessimistic about it.

Fallen into a dark hole again
Waning strength, waned hope
A smile or two I feign
For people ’round me I remain…

I’m just so tired of it all that I feel like giving it all up sometimes especially right now…But somehow I have to get up and keep going through the motions…

Keep Walking…

Black…

desert storm

Darkness clouds my mind
A fugue state I exist in
A numbness spreads all over
Bone deep cold comes crawling in.

A heaviness in my brain
My heart beats another rhythm
Blood flows sluggishly
Dunno what to do with ’em.

Black is my existence
There’s no light on the horizon
Dark are the clouds surrounding
Even though the sun has risen.

There’s no sleep, no succour
Only the dried barreness of desert
I curl up and curl in
The only comfort is the dry dirt.

The Watcher…

Eye

The watcher inside me
The one beyond sight
See and see and see
No malice yet might

It keeps sentry
Day or night
No end, no entry
No dark, no light

One day I’ll be one with it
One day I’ll see all that it sees
One day I’ll watch all that rises does fall
One day I’ll feel all alive does die
One day I’ll sense all dead beings rising
One day I’ll whisper the key to living
One day I’ll teach the one language to all!

Isolation…

image

Isolation in my mind
Dark shadows everywhere.
Cut apart, left adrift in the currents
Float do I in the flotsam of life.

Despair do I
Want to cry
Sometimes I cannot understand myself
A thousand emotions on a thousand shelves.

Overcrowded are they.
Pull out an emotion you may
Try but in the end of the day
A discordant symphony you play.

Discordant symphony or a cacophony
All they are, are fake, are phony
An empty mind, a desolation
Even the Doc says how bogus are my notions.

Lie heavily on my heart, does the isolation
Broken memories, false emotions
Weep, weep does my heart at the blackness
Surrounded as it is by shades of grey.

Is it all a farce played upon my mind
Or the truth of a fractured one?
I walk the thorny path of truth
Without a correct measure to enlighten.

I welcomed the numbness
In the beginning brought on by the meds
Alas, they are done for now
Isolation darkens the horizon now.