What Is Selfishness?

How selfish can one be? Apparently as much as one wants to be and no one can say otherwise… I had that quality in spades and used to admire it in others but recently I was proven kind of wrong…. There’s selfishness and then there’s selfishness…. Or maybe I’m just splitting hairs… What do I know?

I thought I knew aplenty but this makes me doubt a lot about myself and the world both… Do I even know what selfishness is? Are there different brands of selfishness, different levels, different intensities? How would one even go about trying to identify and classify different kinds of selfishness? Makes my head hurt just by thinking about it just as the person made my heart hurt….

One thing I do know…

Keep Walking…

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My Journey Till Now – II

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It’s not easy to open up and talk about the darkest phase of one’s life. But one has to make an effort in the hope that it might help even one person to take the right step in their life or maybe even move away from the edge if they are standing on one. Things are never, never as dark as they may seem…it’s just our perception that make them seem so… All you’ve got to do is have some faith in yourself, in time… Not for nothing is it said that Time is the Greatest Healer…. It actually is…With time on your side, anything is possible…. Things can change for you, become better or you can and will change, grow up and get some different perspective about your problems.

As I said, it’s difficult to talk about the darkest phase of your life…There’s residual pain, residual worry and always the fear with being a BPD person that I might be forced to visit the darklands again before I’m ready to do so… Many have said time and again that most of my blogs go in the dark vein than in the light vein….How can I answer that question? I have experienced and explored so much darkness inside and outside me that I am more comfortable being in the dark than in the light. Darkness soothes me, calls to me with its siren songs… It’s only recently that I have stopped listening to it (most of the times any way)…it will take time to change….change the fabric of my very nature….but rest assured I will….not all of me is dark. Some part is light, is happy, is fun….that attracts my dark side…I guess opposites attract… My light is also attracted towards my darkness…But I encourage my darkness to move towards the light…that’s the aim…and never you forget that… Always remember to smile, to laugh, to be happy even for the shortest possible time…. Make that your goal and you’ll find that the duration of your smile, your laughter, your happiness is increasing…not because some magic happened all of a sudden but because you just trained your unruly mind to search for happiness in each and every situation, any sort that might be….

Again and again I keep emphasizing on happiness because I staunchly believe that if you don’t have happiness in life then you have absolutely nothing in life….you are the poorest of all the beggars in this world…. (Trigger) Depression is just a jargon…It is nothing but deep seated unresolved ego issues. How? I become unhappy when things don’t go my way with the emphasis being on “my”. Depression means that the intensity of that unhappiness is increased so many times that it becomes difficult to handle for a person. Hence, one finds life intolerable, unliveable, dead because it becomes their firm belief that nothing’s gonna go their way so it would be better to stop making an effort altogether to do anything. One loses their will to live because of that. But what I would like to ask here is that are we really so self-centered that only because something didn’t go our way that we become depressed and stop living from that moment onwards? And as if this weren’t enough we think of an another act of extreme selfishness, i.e., suicide. In our hurry to leave behind a meaningless life, do we ever think of the people we would leave heartbroken if we committed that extreme act of selfishness? No, we don’t. I know because I have been on that edge and I, somehow, found the strength to step back from it…I was lucky I guess!

So, people, if you have to be selfish, then be selfish in loving yourself, be selfish in loving the people around you, be selfish in being happy, be selfish in letting things go! Set your goals right or rather set right goals!

Be Selfish!

Be Happy!

Keep Walking….

Self-Mockery…

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Millstone, lodestone
All the stones I know,
None of the precious ones
I’m just the heavy one!

Round your neck I go,
Bow you down with my weight.
On your back if you lift,
I move your center of gravity.

I am a heavy load,
On your free soul,
Crush your joy beneath my feet,
Your days I foul!

My selfishness is exemplary,
I drone on narcissistically,
My joys and sorrows you have to know,
My mood swings legendary!

So take me off,
Throw me away,
Give up the burden
And fly away!