Guilt…

Most of my actions are driven by guilt. Or maybe that’s what I feel. No wonder I am so messed up… Guilt is such a negative emotion when one has no reason for it. I try to make my decisions rationally, logically with a calm mind. But somehow that doesn’t happen. Is it because I have such low self esteem that I need to doubt every single detail of my behaviour? Is my self image so blurred and poor? All colors of black. I don’t know what to do. I am no more the driver of my own mind.

My mind has become my enemy. Most of the time I feel like I’m riding a raging bull. It bucks and bows trying valiantly to unseat me, trample me under its heavy hooves. But I am holding onto my seat, by tooth and nails as required, up till now. Sometimes I win. Sometimes the bull wins. All I can do is get back into the seat again or at least try. And then try once more when there’s no reason for it. I will master the bull one day. This I solemnly swear.

Keep walking…

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Addiction…

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There is no freedom at the bottom of the bottle… Any form of addiction, even in its mildest dose, brings only more shackles…more chains…more bonds…

There is no freedom anywhere unless you understand the impermanence and uncertainty permeating every sphere of your life – people, situations, emotions, everything!
You were born strong… So, why give up now? Why make it your crutch? Just persist for a little while more and you will have reached the core of strength inside you. Touch it, draw from it… Free yourself…

An Elegant System…

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As you sow, so shall you reap…. What an elegant system!

Who needs the fear of hell or the lure of heaven at the end of life to improve oneself, to perform good deeds, to be kind and generous and helpful to family, friends, foes, strangers, all… Heaven and hell are in your own mind…

It’s simple…

As you sow, so shall you reap…

Take control of your own life, your own actions… No deity can help you if you refuse to help yourself…

Silence…

I like being alone sometimes where I can hear my thoughts
Someplace where I can take a deep sigh, let it out and feel it at the same time.
Somewhere there’s only silence, inside and out.
And think, contemplate and just be…
Why do some people love constant noise in their lives?
Maybe I’ll understand one day…
Silence – deep, profound, pure!
How I yearn for it?

In The Gloaming…

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Spiral down
Down drown
Drown down.

Vast black
Bottomless space
Float around.

Round round
No up or down
No sight or sound.

Senses slayed
Mindless frayed
Identity betrayed.

A deep sentience
An infinite existence
Ageless constant.

An immortal being
Reason for living
Quest forever.

In the gloaming
Life and death
A vicious circle.