Get On With Life…

breakup

Tell me how do I
Get on with my life
Now that you aren’t there
It’s just pain and strife.

The days are long and lonely
The nights spent in sleepless slumbers
The only question worth bothering
Is your absence on my bed unencumbered.

How did you dare to decide for us
It was alright for you to go
Did you even think once
Before you delivered this blow?

Now that you are gone
I thank providence for all
Don’t you ever turn back and come
‘Coz I won’t be waiting to take a second fall.

I move on with my life
One life and all it’s meant for
Foolish would I be to wait
I’m a lot many things and foolish is a lot far.

So now you go
The thin, narrow line you tow.
I’ve lots of catch up to do
My least of chores is you.

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Curve ball…

curveball

For those of you who have been following my blog know that I have borderline personality disorder aka BPD. So I came to know today that whatever meds I am on will only help me till I am taking them… So that means that either I will have to take them for a long, long time or look for some alternative. Seems like life has thrown me yet another curve ball.

Feeling lost and lonely
Dunno what to do
Someone show me the way
Know not what to say…

Have booked an appointment with another doctor for tomorrow. Let’s see how that goes. I’m trying not to be too pessimistic about it.

Fallen into a dark hole again
Waning strength, waned hope
A smile or two I feign
For people ’round me I remain…

I’m just so tired of it all that I feel like giving it all up sometimes especially right now…But somehow I have to get up and keep going through the motions…

Keep Walking…

Black…

desert storm

Darkness clouds my mind
A fugue state I exist in
A numbness spreads all over
Bone deep cold comes crawling in.

A heaviness in my brain
My heart beats another rhythm
Blood flows sluggishly
Dunno what to do with ’em.

Black is my existence
There’s no light on the horizon
Dark are the clouds surrounding
Even though the sun has risen.

There’s no sleep, no succour
Only the dried barreness of desert
I curl up and curl in
The only comfort is the dry dirt.

Memories Befoul…

Death

I have lost something today
Lost something important
A piece of my heart
A fragment of my soul
All memories befoul.

In the dead waters
In the dark cesspool
Of blood and bones
Of glory and gore
Have I lost
A piece of my heart
A fragment of my soul.

In the back alleyways
In the stagnating gutters
Among the rotting garbage
Of the yester and yore
Have I lost
A piece of my heart
A fragment of my soul
All memories befoul.

Now the death bell tolls
The death bed is made
All I need to do
Is lie down to sleep
A soft sigh escapes.

A silent step I hear
It gently comes near
Spreads its hand
Lovingly embraces me
My soul it keeps.

Lost At Sea…

images (36)

I am so lost,
Floundering in this sea,
Made of humans,
No landmark I see!

Strewn it is with,
Faces familiar and strange,
Choked it is with
Heartbreak, happiness
Sweet love, broken dreams!

Paradoxical emotions,
Create the chaos,
Churn and burn.
Underneath the surface,
A deadly maze!

The depths I can’t gauge,
Just know that I’m drowning,
Deep and deep.
Can’t feel the floor,
Beneath my feet.

My arms flail around,
I can’t stay aloft!
I fight against the currents,
A battle I have lost!
The final end is near…

The water closes,
Above my head.
Darkness surrounds me,
In peaceful embrace.
Gently, softly, I let go all
A beatific smile on my face…

Dear Friend…

lonely-girl_2

I fought with you yesterday,

And I do feel sad for it…

But I was all confused yesterday

I couldn’t articulate myself then

Hence the silence since last night

Silence helps me to understand

My emotions (I’m no expert at them)

You know how they handicap me

And that’s the reason I make

Such few true friends I have

My friends are my safety net

My sanity against the crazy shit!

I can’t comprehend lies

Either by prevarication, omission or an outright one

Since I find truth so easy,

Especially among those who are cozy

And comfortable with each other…

There is no logic in lies

When we can swap truths easily

Since we are so close

And we trust each other so!

I worry about you dear friend

When you are sad

I want to know your pain

To put a smile back on your face!

But I am hurt when you don’t share

Rather you just blow away my care

You make up some excuses to

Fob me off, stop my questions too…

I don’t mind if you just tell me

“It’s something that I can’t tell”

I will respect your privacy

Let you deal with it as well…

What I can’t understand is the need you have

To lie or prevaricate to me

I’ve never done this to you

And I can’t comprehend your reason for it…

This morning I woke up

And realized my problem

So thought here to write it…

Couldn’t do the same yesternight

Hence my silence since…

I hope you understand my concerns

I hope you come up with a solution

Can’t talk to you outright about it

So here is my peace offering…