Flown Away…

All the angels have flown away

I’ve had them driven away

I cared not if they were

’round to care for me

Safeguard my soul

From the devil of temptation

Dripping desires each ephemeral second

My immortal soul’s in trouble

Now that the angels have deserted me

I knew not of their heavenly presence

For only when they went away

Was I made aware of the fact.

Till then I thought I lived a charmed life

No struggle, no pain, no needless strife.

But now that the angels have all gone away

It’s just one endless, endless night

A giant vacuum, no end in sight.

Now that all angels have finally flown away…

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On My Way…

On my way
Of this life
I feel wonder
I feel strife

I daily question
The nature of it
Then laugh again
In the next bit.

What is it
That makes up this life?
Is it the small joys
Or the pain that’s rife?

The souls I meet
In this journey
Are they mates?
Or competitiors in some tourney?

What is life?
I daily wonder
The smile of innocent
Or the wicked’s plunder?

To comprehend I try
I struggle and struggle
But in the end
Is it worth the trouble?

Life is made of
Such paradoxes
Births and Deaths
Concaves and Convexes

I daily question
The nature of it
Then laugh again
In the next bit.

And then I think
What would I do?
If I knew it all
Pain and pleasure too.

It’s better to leave
Some mystery to life
Brighter is the world then
Lessens the pain and strife.

I no more question
The nature of it
Just laugh again
Now and in the next bit.

Feeling Lousy…

At loose ends. Don’t know what I feel about things. Don’t understand my own emotions. They are all so messed up, mixed up. Dunno what it is that I want. Just wanna go to sleep. And then sleep some more so that I don’t have to think.

I’m so miserable right now. It hurts so much I don’t know how to deal with it, how to breath through this pain. So, I go to my standard response of snapping at anyone who tries to have a normal conversation with me. It’s easy…the habit, the pattern, the mould. It’s difficult, almost near to impossible to break it. Why do I do this? I hurt people around me when I am in one of my moods. And I know that I am hurting them but I am unable to stop myself. And then I despise myself for it. And the pain increases and I can’t seem to either stop it or get a grip on it. The vicious circle continues.

Anyways, I have been rattling for long. It’s time I end this blog. It’s my curse to bear…

Get On With Life…

breakup

Tell me how do I
Get on with my life
Now that you aren’t there
It’s just pain and strife.

The days are long and lonely
The nights spent in sleepless slumbers
The only question worth bothering
Is your absence on my bed unencumbered.

How did you dare to decide for us
It was alright for you to go
Did you even think once
Before you delivered this blow?

Now that you are gone
I thank providence for all
Don’t you ever turn back and come
‘Coz I won’t be waiting to take a second fall.

I move on with my life
One life and all it’s meant for
Foolish would I be to wait
I’m a lot many things and foolish is a lot far.

So now you go
The thin, narrow line you tow.
I’ve lots of catch up to do
My least of chores is you.

Isolation…

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Isolation in my mind
Dark shadows everywhere.
Cut apart, left adrift in the currents
Float do I in the flotsam of life.

Despair do I
Want to cry
Sometimes I cannot understand myself
A thousand emotions on a thousand shelves.

Overcrowded are they.
Pull out an emotion you may
Try but in the end of the day
A discordant symphony you play.

Discordant symphony or a cacophony
All they are, are fake, are phony
An empty mind, a desolation
Even the Doc says how bogus are my notions.

Lie heavily on my heart, does the isolation
Broken memories, false emotions
Weep, weep does my heart at the blackness
Surrounded as it is by shades of grey.

Is it all a farce played upon my mind
Or the truth of a fractured one?
I walk the thorny path of truth
Without a correct measure to enlighten.

I welcomed the numbness
In the beginning brought on by the meds
Alas, they are done for now
Isolation darkens the horizon now.

Tears…

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So many tears,
Still inside me
Come out, come out,
Don’t play hide and seek.
Beneficial to none
You or me.
 
Come down as if,
Torrents of rain.
Or the colourful condensations
On my windowpane.
 
Come down as the gushing spring,
Running against the passage of time.
Beautiful teardrops of glass or diamonds,
In my eyes – sparkle and chime.
 
Gather against the little eyefolds,
Overwhelm them with sheer magnitude.
Then roll down peacefully down the cheeks,
On my breast they stumble and sleep.

What’s in a word?

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Aloneness…

Beauty.. Peace… Love… Happiness…

A time to think, rethink…meditate, contemplate….

A time to review, rehash, revise, revive…

To make amends…

Independence… Bliss…

 

Loneliness…

Misery… Pain… Anguish… Darkness…

A time to think, rethink, burn, blame…

A time to review, rehash, despair, cry…

An ode to torment…

Dependence… Despondency…