Cursed…

I’m cursed to live a strange life… One full of ups and downs, highs and lows…I don’t know what to do about it so I keep living it in the hope that something better will come along…will happen…

I so wish for the cessation of this pain soon enough… Goodness knows where it comes from…

Till then I,

Keep Walking…

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Oblivion…

Oblivion

For you, I yearn

Spent so many years searching

Yet nothing did I learn.

Life this is

A pretty merry-go-round

Pain and pleasure in circles

Death the stoppage sound.

But oblivion I yearned

In many avenues and walks

Listened to great lectures

In saloons, great talks.

‘Tis a simple truth

That I forgot

Acuity was for the living

Oblivion, the dead’s lot.

Watcher/Shadow…

The watcher inside me

Come out and say

All words left unsaid

Come out to stay…

Tarry for a long while

I want to meet you

Be friends till the last mile

Protect you, I will do…

Watcher, Deep inside me

Now relax your vigil

Your pain now I do see

The darkness, the sigils…

Ne’er will you be

Alone in the abyss

Watcher, You’ve me

A friend forever in this…

Years gone by

You saved me for long

In shadows you lie

Now light you be…

No veil between us

To keep us apart

No pretense, no fuss

I see as thou art…

You thought you’re ugly

Of pain you were born

But you are tempered steel

To join the pieces torn…

Watcher/Shadow

Come out of the cage

Know the truth, I do now

My warrior, be brave!

Flown Away…

All the angels have flown away

I’ve had them driven away

I cared not if they were

’round to care for me

Safeguard my soul

From the devil of temptation

Dripping desires each ephemeral second

My immortal soul’s in trouble

Now that the angels have deserted me

I knew not of their heavenly presence

For only when they went away

Was I made aware of the fact.

Till then I thought I lived a charmed life

No struggle, no pain, no needless strife.

But now that the angels have all gone away

It’s just one endless, endless night

A giant vacuum, no end in sight.

Now that all angels have finally flown away…

On My Way…

On my way
Of this life
I feel wonder
I feel strife

I daily question
The nature of it
Then laugh again
In the next bit.

What is it
That makes up this life?
Is it the small joys
Or the pain that’s rife?

The souls I meet
In this journey
Are they mates?
Or competitiors in some tourney?

What is life?
I daily wonder
The smile of innocent
Or the wicked’s plunder?

To comprehend I try
I struggle and struggle
But in the end
Is it worth the trouble?

Life is made of
Such paradoxes
Births and Deaths
Concaves and Convexes

I daily question
The nature of it
Then laugh again
In the next bit.

And then I think
What would I do?
If I knew it all
Pain and pleasure too.

It’s better to leave
Some mystery to life
Brighter is the world then
Lessens the pain and strife.

I no more question
The nature of it
Just laugh again
Now and in the next bit.

Feeling Lousy…

At loose ends. Don’t know what I feel about things. Don’t understand my own emotions. They are all so messed up, mixed up. Dunno what it is that I want. Just wanna go to sleep. And then sleep some more so that I don’t have to think.

I’m so miserable right now. It hurts so much I don’t know how to deal with it, how to breath through this pain. So, I go to my standard response of snapping at anyone who tries to have a normal conversation with me. It’s easy…the habit, the pattern, the mould. It’s difficult, almost near to impossible to break it. Why do I do this? I hurt people around me when I am in one of my moods. And I know that I am hurting them but I am unable to stop myself. And then I despise myself for it. And the pain increases and I can’t seem to either stop it or get a grip on it. The vicious circle continues.

Anyways, I have been rattling for long. It’s time I end this blog. It’s my curse to bear…

Get On With Life…

breakup

Tell me how do I
Get on with my life
Now that you aren’t there
It’s just pain and strife.

The days are long and lonely
The nights spent in sleepless slumbers
The only question worth bothering
Is your absence on my bed unencumbered.

How did you dare to decide for us
It was alright for you to go
Did you even think once
Before you delivered this blow?

Now that you are gone
I thank providence for all
Don’t you ever turn back and come
‘Coz I won’t be waiting to take a second fall.

I move on with my life
One life and all it’s meant for
Foolish would I be to wait
I’m a lot many things and foolish is a lot far.

So now you go
The thin, narrow line you tow.
I’ve lots of catch up to do
My least of chores is you.