What Is Selfishness?

How selfish can one be? Apparently as much as one wants to be and no one can say otherwise… I had that quality in spades and used to admire it in others but recently I was proven kind of wrong…. There’s selfishness and then there’s selfishness…. Or maybe I’m just splitting hairs… What do I know?

I thought I knew aplenty but this makes me doubt a lot about myself and the world both… Do I even know what selfishness is? Are there different brands of selfishness, different levels, different intensities? How would one even go about trying to identify and classify different kinds of selfishness? Makes my head hurt just by thinking about it just as the person made my heart hurt….

One thing I do know…

Keep Walking…

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Dichotomy – II

Dichotomy…. Such a strange word… How can a person be dichotomous? I say they can be if they have plenty of confusion inside…. Me? I am dichotomy personified… I just don’t know what to do with it…. And I don’t know nothing more than that…

Lemonade…

Life is what you make of it… Or so you are told continuously… If life gives you lemons, make lemonade… Just that no one tells you where to get the sugar or salt from… You need to figure that part out for yourself… And the sooner you figure that out, the happier will you be… Coz then you would have discovered the key to your happiness… And yes… It lies within you… No externalization of happiness… It always comes from within… That does suck sometimes but that’s how it works… That’s how it is…

Keep walking…

Take Control…

We spend our lives reacting to the happenings and situations around us. We rarely take control of the situations. Happenings, situations take control of us and then take us on a roller coaster ride. Better it is to take control of situations. Better it is to act rather than react. I have decided to act from now on even if it kills me and situations never killed nobody ever. They may be mighty uncomfortable and not to my liking but if I act upon them then at least I’ll have the comfort of knowing that I did what was best for me, not for anyone else.

The time to act is now…. Take control…

Patience…

Patience is a virtue I do not seem to possess…. Whether that’s a part of having BPD or just being me, I don’t know. What I do know is that it’s frustrating when the ball is in the other person’s court and you have no control over the outcome….

Dear heart! Have some patience!

Gah! Did you just say patience?

Don’t you know me?

As I said…. Frustrating!

Transition…

In transition,

Disturbing, uneasy,

Fire under the skin

In the mind, a din.

Clutter everywhere,

Mess reigns fair,

Nothing can be found

In this dumping ground.

In limbo

Was stuck,

For how long

Dunno much,

The story’s unfinished as such.

Half life

Yearns completion

No resources

All depletion.

Gotta borrow some.

In twilight

No movement

All alone

Alas! The bereavement!

The only living known.

In transition

Entire existence

Daily struggle

Daily subsistence.

The state of mortality.

Question Mark…

I hear words

That don’t exist

An extra sensory perception

Which get me labelled crazy.

Feel

I feel emotions

Strong and intense

They ignore it saying

It is my accursed nature.

Reign

Confusions reign

So much exists

My eternal bane.

Pain

Blunt and sharp

No one to share

Say I unnecessarily harp.

Existence

Pale and wane

Too much too less

A giant a wraith

Paradox

Material metaphysical

Today tomorrow

In truth in vain.