Dear Friend

Today I received a very pleasant surprise from my past. It was a letter from my ex-roommate. I hate writing sappy things but it was a letter full of love, happiness and support (that’s the way I am taking it, Friend). This one’s for her and all my other friends:

Dear Friend(each of you just read your own names here…:-D),

Whenever I revisited the space-time where we shared the same space, where we were roommates, I always had this question as to the nature of our relationship: Were we friends, enemies, colleagues or co-sufferers in that small town? Today, I have my answer. Slowly did the memories fade away, faces relegated to the past. Your letter was a complete shocker to me and hence, even more special. The way you said it – it’s been ten years. A long ten years during which both of us have been through different kinds of experiences, maybe grown a little smarter, a little more matured than we used to be(that’s the hope , anyways…:-)). I would love to take this moment and space here to thank all the people who have been there for me in my toughest hours and those too who could not be in touch but allocated some really valuable real estate for me in their thoughts.

Yes, my Friend, thank you… You see how much I have changed. Thanking “people” on an open platform where anyone and everyone can read it.

To all my well-wishers:

I am finally at a place where I can very happily say that the depression and BPD are the best things that ever happened to me. This is no empty platitude. To quote Nietzsche – That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger. Okay, I’ll say – depression’s one mean bitch! But BPD has been very good to me. It has made it possiblefor me to experience each moment of my life as if it were a movie. The dreamer in me couldn’t ask for more. I have always been a little out of sync with the world around me and I still love to escape the drudgery sometimes. BPD made it possible – it taught me how to tune out the world and  focus solely on my thoughts. I have so many emotions that I can hardly recognize or understand even a quarter of them. Works like a charm every time to make my mind stronger and flexible.

I have always been stubborn and a self believer. Failing at curing depression and BPD was never an option. Whenever you find yourself on the lowest rung of this ladder called life, all you can do is start climbing up – or you could stay in situ too but that gets very boring very fast. So, you climb up.

I have always wanted to die the best version of the person I was born, the person I could be. My struggle has proved invaluable in that respect. Change is the one constant in life – the one thing that remains unaltered is change. I, too, have been changing, transforming even transcending(just love the word!) every moment.

Keep Walking…

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An Introvert’s Letter to Her Friends…

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No! No pressure, dude! The velvet gloves might just give you some result but the iron fist! That will never work! Never! Not on me! I’ll just slide away…. Far away in my own world where silence reigns! Where I reign all alone… I am the queen of all I see… Slip away right in front of your eyes and you won’t be able to do anything to stop me… The iron fist doesn’t help… It hinders you…. Me? I am happy to have any flimsy excuse to visit my world… I love my world… There are all things of nature in my world except the ones I run away from in the first place – others like me! People! My world is made of sighing meadows, verdant forests, singing springs, chirping birds, rolling hills, snowcapped peaks, mesmerizing vistas and deep valleys, all kinds of flora and fauna…. A dreamy mist over the whole world with the sun shining through shyly…. Who wouldn’t love to live in such a world? My escape, my retreat! Why do you wonder why I would want to skip your world for a moment or more at times and take a breather in mine? It’s blissful, peaceful and so silent that you can actually hear it speak and sing and hum.

No! You are not allowed in! It’s mine, my space! Why would you want in when you think to use your iron fist on me? Don’t you know by now how useless it is against me? Love me, pamper me and let me go… I might just come back to you for more…. Each time, every time let me go…. I might just make you my friend…. Respect my space and I will know how crazy you are about me… The constant noise withers my soul, chips away my calm, handicaps me, debilitates me…. How can you even think to inflict such misery on me? The harder you try to hold on to me, the quicker I slip through your fingers… Don’t do this to yourself…. Don’t make me do it to you… Not the iron fist – no! The gentle hands, the velvet gloves, the soft smiles and silence – loads of it! I will love you for it, be your friend forever – the truest one! Why so much work you wonder? Letting go is so difficult for you. The reason you know – I am worth it… Every time….:)