The watcher inside me The one beyond sight See and see and see No malice yet might
It keeps sentry Day or night No end, no entry No dark, no light
One day I’ll be one with it One day I’ll see all that it sees One day I’ll watch all that rises does fall One day I’ll feel all alive does die One day I’ll sense all dead beings rising One day I’ll whisper the key to living One day I’ll teach the one language to all!
Most of my actions are driven by guilt. Or maybe that’s what I feel. No wonder I am so messed up… Guilt is such a negative emotion when one has no reason for it. I try to make my decisions rationally, logically with a calm mind. But somehow that doesn’t happen. Is it because I have such low self esteem that I need to doubt every single detail of my behaviour? Is my self image so blurred and poor? All colors of black. I don’t know what to do. I am no more the driver of my own mind.
My mind has become my enemy. Most of the time I feel like I’m riding a raging bull. It bucks and bows trying valiantly to unseat me, trample me under its heavy hooves. But I am holding onto my seat, by tooth and nails as required, up till now. Sometimes I win. Sometimes the bull wins. All I can do is get back into the seat again or at least try. And then try once more when there’s no reason for it. I will master the bull one day. This I solemnly swear.