An Introvert’s Letter to Her Friends…

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No! No pressure, dude! The velvet gloves might just give you some result but the iron fist! That will never work! Never! Not on me! I’ll just slide away…. Far away in my own world where silence reigns! Where I reign all alone… I am the queen of all I see… Slip away right in front of your eyes and you won’t be able to do anything to stop me… The iron fist doesn’t help… It hinders you…. Me? I am happy to have any flimsy excuse to visit my world… I love my world… There are all things of nature in my world except the ones I run away from in the first place – others like me! People! My world is made of sighing meadows, verdant forests, singing springs, chirping birds, rolling hills, snowcapped peaks, mesmerizing vistas and deep valleys, all kinds of flora and fauna…. A dreamy mist over the whole world with the sun shining through shyly…. Who wouldn’t love to live in such a world? My escape, my retreat! Why do you wonder why I would want to skip your world for a moment or more at times and take a breather in mine? It’s blissful, peaceful and so silent that you can actually hear it speak and sing and hum.

No! You are not allowed in! It’s mine, my space! Why would you want in when you think to use your iron fist on me? Don’t you know by now how useless it is against me? Love me, pamper me and let me go… I might just come back to you for more…. Each time, every time let me go…. I might just make you my friend…. Respect my space and I will know how crazy you are about me… The constant noise withers my soul, chips away my calm, handicaps me, debilitates me…. How can you even think to inflict such misery on me? The harder you try to hold on to me, the quicker I slip through your fingers… Don’t do this to yourself…. Don’t make me do it to you… Not the iron fist – no! The gentle hands, the velvet gloves, the soft smiles and silence – loads of it! I will love you for it, be your friend forever – the truest one! Why so much work you wonder? Letting go is so difficult for you. The reason you know – I am worth it… Every time….:)

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Introversion and Selfishness…

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So, I am an introvert and a blog by Crystal Kona (A-letter-from-an-introvert-to-other-introverts/) got me thinking. What was originally meant as a comment on the post turned out a bit lengthier..:-P Here it is:
 
1. Self preservation is one of the strongest and deepest human instincts.
2. There are degrees of introversion.
3. There are degrees of friendship.
 
If there is a choice between hurting others or self (by talking to people/going for an outing or a party), most of the times I choose others because whenever I hurt myself, I go into deeper ‘social’ seclusion and that helps no one. Rather, it hurts and alienates more people than originally intended. Also, there are degrees of friendship: the acquaintances, the good friends and lastly, the best ones. The social time one spends with one’s friends/acquaintances depends on the degree of friendship between the concerned parties. It is true for all the people and nothing short of gospel truth when it comes to introverts. So, sometimes it is a trade-off between not going out with the acquaintances/good friends and spending quality time with the best friends one feels most comfortable with. Eminently logical. Obviously, one has to spend at least some time with one’s friends and acquaintances so as to maintain the relationship. But majority of the time can be spent with the best friends because that’s what one really wants to do and it makes one happy.
 
Now the problem arises when an introvert needs a break from even the closest of friends (this depends on how introverted one is). Making your closest friends understand that you need a break from talking/spending time with them for a while is tough especially when you don’t know how long it will take for you to recharge your ‘social’ batteries. They will understand you if they are introverts. But if they are not, then they can only try without any guarantee of success since trying to comprehend something that is completely alien to one’s own nature is very, very tough! It’s like explaining light to a blind person or music to a deaf one…. Never truly understandable! I have a few extrovert friends who make valiant efforts to understand but never really do and that’s perfectly fine as I too cannot, for the life of me, ever understand their need to talk/chat and meet/party and live in each other’s pockets as frequently as they want to.
 
So does it hurt your friend/acquaintance when you say ‘no’ to an outing or don’t reply? Yes it does. But in the end, it’s all about self-preservation and the choices one makes and has to live with. So long as you are perfectly comfortable with the ones you have made, it’s fine! No individual is responsible for other individual’s happiness. First, one has to learn the art of making oneself happy. Only then can one make the people who really matter to one happy! Only a mind at peace with itself can think about others, be generous to them and bring a semblance of happiness in their lives…
 
Mind you I am not saying that you can be rude to people around you as and when you want to or make introversion your excuse for doing so. All I am saying is think carefully before taking any action as that’s the way to happiness and peace…:-)
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