Dear Friend

Today I received a very pleasant surprise from my past. It was a letter from my ex-roommate. I hate writing sappy things but it was a letter full of love, happiness and support (that’s the way I am taking it, Friend). This one’s for her and all my other friends:

Dear Friend(each of you just read your own names here…:-D),

Whenever I revisited the space-time where we shared the same space, where we were roommates, I always had this question as to the nature of our relationship: Were we friends, enemies, colleagues or co-sufferers in that small town? Today, I have my answer. Slowly did the memories fade away, faces relegated to the past. Your letter was a complete shocker to me and hence, even more special. The way you said it – it’s been ten years. A long ten years during which both of us have been through different kinds of experiences, maybe grown a little smarter, a little more matured than we used to be(that’s the hope , anyways…:-)). I would love to take this moment and space here to thank all the people who have been there for me in my toughest hours and those too who could not be in touch but allocated some really valuable real estate for me in their thoughts.

Yes, my Friend, thank you… You see how much I have changed. Thanking “people” on an open platform where anyone and everyone can read it.

To all my well-wishers:

I am finally at a place where I can very happily say that the depression and BPD are the best things that ever happened to me. This is no empty platitude. To quote Nietzsche – That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger. Okay, I’ll say – depression’s one mean bitch! But BPD has been very good to me. It has made it possiblefor me to experience each moment of my life as if it were a movie. The dreamer in me couldn’t ask for more. I have always been a little out of sync with the world around me and I still love to escape the drudgery sometimes. BPD made it possible – it taught me how to tune out the world and  focus solely on my thoughts. I have so many emotions that I can hardly recognize or understand even a quarter of them. Works like a charm every time to make my mind stronger and flexible.

I have always been stubborn and a self believer. Failing at curing depression and BPD was never an option. Whenever you find yourself on the lowest rung of this ladder called life, all you can do is start climbing up – or you could stay in situ too but that gets very boring very fast. So, you climb up.

I have always wanted to die the best version of the person I was born, the person I could be. My struggle has proved invaluable in that respect. Change is the one constant in life – the one thing that remains unaltered is change. I, too, have been changing, transforming even transcending(just love the word!) every moment.

Keep Walking…

Advertisements

Friends…

images (82)

Stalwart Friends
One and all
Stand by me
You don’t let me fall.
 
Through thick and thin
My lifeline you are
Deeper than the skin
It’s a timeless bond.
 
Good times and bad
Your constant presence
Whenever I’m sad
You make me laugh.
 
You let me be
And my idiosyncrasies
Doesn’t ever matter
If you agree or tease.
 
Dear Friend,
The very best thing is
The way you get me
You are some kind of whiz.
 
I know in recent times
I have tried your limits
‘Tis my chemical imbalance
My brain’s on a fritz.
 
Have crazy days
And crazy nights
Extreme mood swings
Tears and fights.
 
I drown at times
Among the flotsam and jetsam
The deeds of my life
Like the bursting of a dam.
 
There are soft times too
For a moment or two
When my vision’s clear
I kneel in a pew.
 
A black hole simile
Getting sucked in it
Need a greater gravity force
To bring me out of it.
 
Just bear with me
Walk with me awhile
I hope to be back
With laughter and smile.
 
Just be with me
At the center or periphery
‘Tis my apology
Take a moment to tarry.

Self-Mockery…

images (39)

Millstone, lodestone
All the stones I know,
None of the precious ones
I’m just the heavy one!

Round your neck I go,
Bow you down with my weight.
On your back if you lift,
I move your center of gravity.

I am a heavy load,
On your free soul,
Crush your joy beneath my feet,
Your days I foul!

My selfishness is exemplary,
I drone on narcissistically,
My joys and sorrows you have to know,
My mood swings legendary!

So take me off,
Throw me away,
Give up the burden
And fly away!

Dear Friend…

lonely-girl_2

I fought with you yesterday,

And I do feel sad for it…

But I was all confused yesterday

I couldn’t articulate myself then

Hence the silence since last night

Silence helps me to understand

My emotions (I’m no expert at them)

You know how they handicap me

And that’s the reason I make

Such few true friends I have

My friends are my safety net

My sanity against the crazy shit!

I can’t comprehend lies

Either by prevarication, omission or an outright one

Since I find truth so easy,

Especially among those who are cozy

And comfortable with each other…

There is no logic in lies

When we can swap truths easily

Since we are so close

And we trust each other so!

I worry about you dear friend

When you are sad

I want to know your pain

To put a smile back on your face!

But I am hurt when you don’t share

Rather you just blow away my care

You make up some excuses to

Fob me off, stop my questions too…

I don’t mind if you just tell me

“It’s something that I can’t tell”

I will respect your privacy

Let you deal with it as well…

What I can’t understand is the need you have

To lie or prevaricate to me

I’ve never done this to you

And I can’t comprehend your reason for it…

This morning I woke up

And realized my problem

So thought here to write it…

Couldn’t do the same yesternight

Hence my silence since…

I hope you understand my concerns

I hope you come up with a solution

Can’t talk to you outright about it

So here is my peace offering…