Feeling Lousy…

At loose ends. Don’t know what I feel about things. Don’t understand my own emotions. They are all so messed up, mixed up. Dunno what it is that I want. Just wanna go to sleep. And then sleep some more so that I don’t have to think.

I’m so miserable right now. It hurts so much I don’t know how to deal with it, how to breath through this pain. So, I go to my standard response of snapping at anyone who tries to have a normal conversation with me. It’s easy…the habit, the pattern, the mould. It’s difficult, almost near to impossible to break it. Why do I do this? I hurt people around me when I am in one of my moods. And I know that I am hurting them but I am unable to stop myself. And then I despise myself for it. And the pain increases and I can’t seem to either stop it or get a grip on it. The vicious circle continues.

Anyways, I have been rattling for long. It’s time I end this blog. It’s my curse to bear…

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Time…

It’s time to rest, little heart, little heart

It’s time to slumber, little birdie.

Rest your tired feet

On my soothing shoulder

Tarry awhile and meet

All the gentle souls of this old house.

What makes you wary, little heart?

What keeps you awake, little birdie?

Is it the crumbling walls of this house?

Or is it the sense of a deep darkness within unroused?

Do not worry, dear little heart!

Do not worry, dear little birdie!

The darkness hurts only those

Who have malicious intent in their hearts

Not those with pure hearts to keep their part.

Now fly away, little heart, little heart

Go away, little birdie

The storm is past, little heart, little heart

The weight is lost, little birdie.

It’s time to rest, little heart, little heart

It’s time to slumber, little birdie.