A knot in space-time takes away my skill to rhyme A scribe or a story-teller, no more words to bind. They say I have BPD – Borderline Personality Disorder I think that’s only one more excuse to misbehaviour. My mind’s in twine – One agrees with the BPD diagnosis. The other says it’s a recipe to invite numbness, paralysis. Paralysis of mind – for what else could it be? Me having no control over my moods and reactions – Is something I believe in not. Surfed the net and read the literature – causes of no pleasure. Am I destined to always be of two minds Or will I ever make up with one of them? Prose or poem, it doesn’t matter So long I have a pill or two to take. Have to make up with one of my minds – darker or lighter What does it really matter? Stuck in a vicious circle of thorns Fugue. mindlessness, misery – borne. I go now to pop some pills Bye or ciao, will see you tomorrow.
Lost in a whirlpool am I, Sometimes I surface, As the white foam, Substanceless, faceless In the sunshine, I dry away. Rest I rest at the bottom, In form of the vortex, That lies underneath, Belying the truth, Trapping the unwary. Beware beware, Always everywhere, All that glitters is not gold, Calm on the surface, Hidden currents beneath. Once you are caught, Only death is your escape, While alive it is a herculean task. So what is it you are – A carcass of blood and bones Or a mighty warrior of past?
Sorry! Such an easy word. Then why can’t I say it to myself? Why can’t I forgive? All the misdeeds of years bygone; Come crowding in my mind. I flounder betimes; drown betimes; In the flotsam and jetsam of the time. I choose the logical way, None of the emotional crap for me. And still I can’t see no escape Or the smallest hole to creep. Sleep, sleep little bird, Tarry a bit by my bedside. You’ll find new vistas in your dreams, Happiness to come, stories to weave, Hurry, hurry little bird, So much left to do by night time. In the darkest of the hours, Slumber sweetly in my arms No shadow shall befall you. No troubled heart, just ease at last. Green and light and sweet countryside To touch your dreams and ease your soul.
So many tears, Still inside me Come out, come out, Don’t play hide and seek. Beneficial to none You or me. Come down as if, Torrents of rain. Or the colourful condensations On my windowpane. Come down as the gushing spring, Running against the passage of time. Beautiful teardrops of glass or diamonds, In my eyes – sparkle and chime. Gather against the little eyefolds, Overwhelm them with sheer magnitude. Then roll down peacefully down the cheeks, On my breast they stumble and sleep.
There is no freedom at the bottom of the bottle… Any form of addiction, even in its mildest dose, brings only more shackles…more chains…more bonds…
There is no freedom anywhere unless you understand the impermanence and uncertainty permeating every sphere of your life – people, situations, emotions, everything!
You were born strong… So, why give up now? Why make it your crutch? Just persist for a little while more and you will have reached the core of strength inside you. Touch it, draw from it… Free yourself…