Fickle…

Man – how fickle are thee!

Everywhere that I see

Your duplicity it be.

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Blessings…

Whenever the day feels extra heavy, remember to count the blessings you have in the form of people you have who love you unconditionally… Believe me, there are always those who love you just the way you are and that makes all the difference… Why struggle to earn the love and appreciation of those who would want to change even a hair on your body before offering the tiniest morsel of their regard to you… If someone wants you to change to love you then they are not worthy of having you in their lives…

Learn to love yourself…

Learn to value yourself…

Be Free…

I want to fly there,

Where angels dare,

Jump from the highest cliff,

Soar to the heavens and stare

Down ‘pon the mortal

Life and chortle.

The futility and inescapability,

Alas! The human culpability

To foolishness ever it seems,

Or is it ignorance that beams

From their faces, their eyes

How proud of it they be, me sighs!

Difference is bad, is scary,

To be shunned, to be wary.

Familiar is good, is comfortable,

Though common, though rabble.

I want to fly there,

Where evolved beings care

And celebrate uniqueness

Welcome all kinds of craziness.

There be people mine,

Beyond the veil where the sun shines.

There would I stand in line

Shedding this world long behind.

Complicated…

Complicated

With him everything is

I often do ponder upon

This behaviour of his.

Strong and silent types

Of few words, the man

But betray do his eyes

All that they can.

Dotes upon me does he

Makes my wishes come true

Yet never shares himself

Even thoughts so few.

Complicated is everything

This relationship messed up

An emotional black hole

Here’s my confession fessed up.

Oblivion…

Oblivion

For you, I yearn

Spent so many years searching

Yet nothing did I learn.

Life this is

A pretty merry-go-round

Pain and pleasure in circles

Death the stoppage sound.

But oblivion I yearned

In many avenues and walks

Listened to great lectures

In saloons, great talks.

‘Tis a simple truth

That I forgot

Acuity was for the living

Oblivion, the dead’s lot.

BPD and Hope…

What is BPD? Many sites are dedicated to the telling of the meaning of borderline personality disorder and what it means to live like one. That’s not what this blog is about. This one’s about the hope that you can conquer your BPD. BPD is just a very badly behaved child with neurotic narcissistic behaviour. Everything is about them. The good, the bad, the ugly and the ugliest. Especially the ugliest!

But what my BPD mates don’t understand is that like everything else BPD is also learned behaviour reinforced over time again and again due to certain situations or whatever. Maybe you couldn’t take control of those situations then but now you can and must…. You are a grown up now. Nothing can harm you or hamper your happiness if you don’t want it to. Only you can break this vicious cycle of harmful learned behaviour. It is difficult I know….. But maybe one teensy bit of step forward at a time is all you need. I speak of this from personal experience. Maybe whatever BPD makes me as a person is not the real me! Maybe the real me, the person I am is yet to emerge from the chrysalis of BPD. And I am looking forward to meeting that person. How about you?

I don’t know anything here. I’m just figuring out things as I’m going but I do know that I have changed a lot since my first diagnosis of BPD and the change has been positive and I’m darned happy about it and proud too. Sure, I still have my ‘low’ times when everything is dark and twisty and I go to the darklands but that’s fine since I have found the path out of those darklands too. Also, those spells are few and far between to bother about them. My mantra of ‘keep busy’ works like a charm every single time.

So, people, gear up! For this is a long and arduous task but very fulfilling too. This is life… The only one you’ve got so why spend it all blue and scared of self. Just make changes in your behaviour one tiny bit at a time, keep your morale high, don’t beat yourself up if you slide back and chill…. That’s it…. Sooner than you ever know you’ll be living a better life, a more fulfilling life, a happier life.

Keep Walking….

The Struggle – II

Need a break from everything tonight…. Need a break from self…. Dunno what’s wrong…. Just that I’m too tired of it all today….. Wanna end it all…. But can’t….. And won’t…. That path leads to defeat and I’m no loser….. Have never lost and won’t be learning to anytime soon now…. I’m feeling so miserable right now but I dunno the reason behind it….

There’s this continuous pain, metaphysical pain that goes on and on and I don’t know how to tackle it. Courage is not the absence of fear. True courage is when you are shit scared and still you do your duty. True courage is doing your duty responsibly in the face of adversity.

Have been reading different blogs thinking they might help me more…..

Keep walking …