Dark thoughts come crowding in my brain,
My mind lives in partial darkness
Don’t know any more wrong from right
In one view, scheme’s greenery and bleakness.
Feels like a desert night-time,
Myriad thoughts like million scattered stars.
Dry and cold and brilliant hues
Jagged soul scars of many wars.
The road is barren, is hard, is tough
The promise of an oasis just round the bend
Palm trees and water to nourish the soul
To make it brand new, healthy and whole.
Comes crowding in, does the darkness
Like a slithering serpent with a sibilant hiss
Pours its venom, poisons the mind
No more hues, just blue and its kind.
And still the fight remains,
Between light and darkness
A war zone inside my brain
Missiles, shards, empty shells
The carcass of one in this mess.
Posted in Dark, internal world, Poem, Uncategorized |
Tagged BPD, carcass, crowd, dark, darkness, fight, light, mind, poison, Psychiatric, struggle, thoughts, thughts, war zone |
Isolation in my mind
Dark shadows everywhere.
Cut apart, left adrift in the currents
Float do I in the flotsam of life.
Despair do I
Want to cry
Sometimes I cannot understand myself
A thousand emotions on a thousand shelves.
Overcrowded are they.
Pull out an emotion you may
Try but in the end of the day
A discordant symphony you play.
Discordant symphony or a cacophony
All they are, are fake, are phony
An empty mind, a desolation
Even the Doc says how bogus are my notions.
Lie heavily on my heart, does the isolation
Broken memories, false emotions
Weep, weep does my heart at the blackness
Surrounded as it is by shades of grey.
Is it all a farce played upon my mind
Or the truth of a fractured one?
I walk the thorny path of truth
Without a correct measure to enlighten.
I welcomed the numbness
In the beginning brought on by the meds
Alas, they are done for now
Isolation darkens the horizon now.
Posted in Dark, Poem, Rant |
Tagged borderline personality, BPD, desolation, emotions, fake, hurt, isolation, numbness, pain, truth |
Stuck stuck stuck…. ‘Til its ugly end!
Roll over or bend…. Mend and rend
The bare flesh of man.
Unholy sighting…. The caw-caws then
Wending through the glen
Slave for that span.
A hole in the ground… Make it deep
To lay the dead…. To bury asleep
Least to do, to dignify the clan.
Shreds of humanity explode, rain
With blood, gore and the bygone chains.
Born caged, freed in death!
Posted in Dark, Dystopian Society, philosophy, Poem, Society, Uncategorized |
Tagged birth, blood, chains, death, end, freedom, man, racism, racist, ugly |
I have held the raging beast,
With its horns,
My arms aflame,
With raging agony.
Just hold on for a moment awhile,
I smell the victory,
With the rising sun,
In all its glory.
The task herculean,
Misery yet unborn.
The wispy promise of victory yet,
The drunk revelry of success.
Against all odds,
I throw all my rage and emotion,
Hideous beast my soul’s creation.
Beloved, deadly – a dangerous combination.
A beauty, a siren, a nymph, a tease.
Posted in Dark, Dystopian Society, internal world, Nature, Occult, Poem, Quest |
Tagged beast, child, dark, death, dystopian, faery, fairy, hopeless, love life, nature, nymph, Occult, rage, sci-fi, siren, witch |
Lost am I
Someone please show me the way
Through the mazes of my mind
Guide me through the fire lights.
What I do
Plans of grandeur
To dust they fall.
So much rage, so much pain
I cry deep tears – a rain
My brain’s a mush, Pill popping a game
Memory’s no use – it’s down the drain
Lost in a whirlpool am I,
Sometimes I surface,
As the white foam,
In the sunshine, I dry away.
Rest I rest at the bottom,
In form of the vortex,
That lies underneath,
Belying the truth,
Trapping the unwary.
All that glitters is not gold,
Calm on the surface,
Hidden currents beneath.
Once you are caught,
Only death is your escape,
While alive it is a herculean task.
So what is it you are –
A carcass of blood and bones
Or a mighty warrior of past?
Posted in Dark, Poem, self quest, Uncategorized |
Tagged currents, darkness, death, hidded, hope, hopeless, human strength, life beyond death, loast, suicide, sunshine, thoughts, vortex, whirlpool |
Such an easy word.
Then why can’t I say it to myself?
Why can’t I forgive?
All the misdeeds of years bygone;
Come crowding in my mind.
I flounder betimes; drown betimes;
In the flotsam and jetsam of the time.
I choose the logical way,
None of the emotional crap for me.
And still I can’t see no escape
Or the smallest hole to creep.
Sleep, sleep little bird,
Tarry a bit by my bedside.
You’ll find new vistas in your dreams,
Happiness to come, stories to weave,
Hurry, hurry little bird,
So much left to do by night time.
In the darkest of the hours,
Slumber sweetly in my arms
No shadow shall befall you.
No troubled heart, just ease at last.
Green and light and sweet countryside
To touch your dreams and ease your soul.
Posted in Dark, Hope, Poem, Self, Uncategorized |
Tagged apology, emotional, escape, forgive, forgiveness, light, logical, misdeeds, sleep, slumber, sorry, soul, sweet dreams, time, years |