Take Control…

We spend our lives reacting to the happenings and situations around us. We rarely take control of the situations. Happenings, situations take control of us and then take us on a roller coaster ride. Better it is to take control of situations. Better it is to act rather than react. I have decided to act from now on even if it kills me and situations never killed nobody ever. They may be mighty uncomfortable and not to my liking but if I act upon them then at least I’ll have the comfort of knowing that I did what was best for me, not for anyone else.

The time to act is now…. Take control…

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Patience…

Patience is a virtue I do not seem to possess…. Whether that’s a part of having BPD or just being me, I don’t know. What I do know is that it’s frustrating when the ball is in the other person’s court and you have no control over the outcome….

Dear heart! Have some patience!

Gah! Did you just say patience?

Don’t you know me?

As I said…. Frustrating!

Time…

It’s time to rest, little heart, little heart

It’s time to slumber, little birdie.

Rest your tired feet

On my soothing shoulder

Tarry awhile and meet

All the gentle souls of this old house.

What makes you wary, little heart?

What keeps you awake, little birdie?

Is it the crumbling walls of this house?

Or is it the sense of a deep darkness within unroused?

Do not worry, dear little heart!

Do not worry, dear little birdie!

The darkness hurts only those

Who have malicious intent in their hearts

Not those with pure hearts to keep their part.

Now fly away, little heart, little heart

Go away, little birdie

The storm is past, little heart, little heart

The weight is lost, little birdie.

It’s time to rest, little heart, little heart

It’s time to slumber, little birdie.

Keep Walking…

keep_walking

When life gets you down

Teases you, pushes you

Makes you fall

Makes you roll in the dirt

Just get up

Pat your dress

And move on

Keep walking.

Always in motion

Forever in movement

Keep walking

On and on.

Never give up

Don’t get down

There’s someone

More miserable

Down the road

There you go

Keep going

The road must lead

On and on

It might be crowded

With stones and thorns

Sweep them away

Be determined

Don’t be harsh

To fellow travellers

Show’em the path

Be good, be kind.

Keep walking!

Get On With Life…

breakup

Tell me how do I
Get on with my life
Now that you aren’t there
It’s just pain and strife.

The days are long and lonely
The nights spent in sleepless slumbers
The only question worth bothering
Is your absence on my bed unencumbered.

How did you dare to decide for us
It was alright for you to go
Did you even think once
Before you delivered this blow?

Now that you are gone
I thank providence for all
Don’t you ever turn back and come
‘Coz I won’t be waiting to take a second fall.

I move on with my life
One life and all it’s meant for
Foolish would I be to wait
I’m a lot many things and foolish is a lot far.

So now you go
The thin, narrow line you tow.
I’ve lots of catch up to do
My least of chores is you.

Dear Friend

Today I received a very pleasant surprise from my past. It was a letter from my ex-roommate. I hate writing sappy things but it was a letter full of love, happiness and support (that’s the way I am taking it, Friend). This one’s for her and all my other friends:

Dear Friend(each of you just read your own names here…:-D),

Whenever I revisited the space-time where we shared the same space, where we were roommates, I always had this question as to the nature of our relationship: Were we friends, enemies, colleagues or co-sufferers in that small town? Today, I have my answer. Slowly did the memories fade away, faces relegated to the past. Your letter was a complete shocker to me and hence, even more special. The way you said it – it’s been ten years. A long ten years during which both of us have been through different kinds of experiences, maybe grown a little smarter, a little more matured than we used to be(that’s the hope , anyways…:-)). I would love to take this moment and space here to thank all the people who have been there for me in my toughest hours and those too who could not be in touch but allocated some really valuable real estate for me in their thoughts.

Yes, my Friend, thank you… You see how much I have changed. Thanking “people” on an open platform where anyone and everyone can read it.

To all my well-wishers:

I am finally at a place where I can very happily say that the depression and BPD are the best things that ever happened to me. This is no empty platitude. To quote Nietzsche – That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger. Okay, I’ll say – depression’s one mean bitch! But BPD has been very good to me. It has made it possiblefor me to experience each moment of my life as if it were a movie. The dreamer in me couldn’t ask for more. I have always been a little out of sync with the world around me and I still love to escape the drudgery sometimes. BPD made it possible – it taught me how to tune out the world and  focus solely on my thoughts. I have so many emotions that I can hardly recognize or understand even a quarter of them. Works like a charm every time to make my mind stronger and flexible.

I have always been stubborn and a self believer. Failing at curing depression and BPD was never an option. Whenever you find yourself on the lowest rung of this ladder called life, all you can do is start climbing up – or you could stay in situ too but that gets very boring very fast. So, you climb up.

I have always wanted to die the best version of the person I was born, the person I could be. My struggle has proved invaluable in that respect. Change is the one constant in life – the one thing that remains unaltered is change. I, too, have been changing, transforming even transcending(just love the word!) every moment.

Keep Walking…