Being Selfish…

Being selfish is absolutely fine sometimes when you can see no other way out of a situation…when being selfish is the only path available to you, you take that path…you walk it….you protect yourself….what do you do when you see others protecting themselves in a flood…during an avalanche…so all you need to do is ignore your instincts and become selfish…you PROTECT YOURSELF…And it’s absolutely fine with the society too… who ever thought of that… A hypocritical society we live in…. A society that extols selflessness as a virtue in times of leisure and lauds selfishness in dire times. So, go ahead, be selfish! Who thought there would be such commendation in something so wicked…

I had this experience in recent times… Turned to a friend when I was in dire need and my friend turned on me instead and told me to be independent and to stop being so whiny and dependent on others (others being my family and closest friends – count being 2)…basically called me a dead weight…. so here I am being selfish the way I know how to be. I have decided not to be a dead weight to anyone who is unwilling to be a participant in carrying my load of BPD with me. Why bog down reluctant people with my issues, my needs? Relationships are meant to be symbiotic not parasitic…even more so with me coz I have special needs… Of all relationships, friendship is the only one which enjoys unparalleled equal footing. When that is lost, the friendship is doomed…mine was too… So, I became selfish…already have so much load on me…then why carry one more load of a doomed relationship?

But Always,

Keep Walking…

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Get On With Life…

breakup

Tell me how do I
Get on with my life
Now that you aren’t there
It’s just pain and strife.

The days are long and lonely
The nights spent in sleepless slumbers
The only question worth bothering
Is your absence on my bed unencumbered.

How did you dare to decide for us
It was alright for you to go
Did you even think once
Before you delivered this blow?

Now that you are gone
I thank providence for all
Don’t you ever turn back and come
‘Coz I won’t be waiting to take a second fall.

I move on with my life
One life and all it’s meant for
Foolish would I be to wait
I’m a lot many things and foolish is a lot far.

So now you go
The thin, narrow line you tow.
I’ve lots of catch up to do
My least of chores is you.

The Fissure Remains…

19 Weathered Rock

And it breaks,

Softly, silently

Not even the littlest tremble.

The fissure remains buried deep,

The smallest nudge could crumble

It into million pieces.

The perpetrator remains oblivious,

Head in clouds,

Light as a feather.

There’s nothing else I would

Want for them but to

Be unaware of the chain

Of reaction caused by their actions.

‘Cause innocence lost

Is lost forever.

Pieces of soul given up,

Can’t be retrieved at any convenient time.

As one might wish

Once the event is past.

Remain pure and unblemished,

One pays the price for fairness

‘Cause innocence lost is knowledge gained,

Through rocky paths and brambles.

Choice once made can’t be revoked,

What’s lost can’t be regained..

What’s gained can’t be ungained..

And in the meantime the fissure remains,

Buried deep – a million cracks.

Softly, silently it crumbles,

With age, with time, it weathers.

Free Wings….

images (83)

I am free today.
Don’t depend on you.
Your pitiful morsels
Of time and attention.
You are free today
To live the way
You have always wanted.
The lodestone around your neck
Is gone today.
I cared and cried.
Begged you to
Spend a while
Thinking and caring for me.
But it was too much for you.
Your self-centered life.
You were the brightest star
Of your own universe.
Took me for granted
But not for long
Can’t take anymore
I give it up!
So now you go
Get on with your life
Won’t be a lackey
For one so flaky!
I am free today
From your dues!
The loan’s paid in full
Still I am rich.
You are poor
You lost something valuable
You didn’t give a dime.
But never fear
You’ll never know
As you are unaware.
Self-absorbed as you are.

The Betrayal…

Gerbie-Pabilonia-Sahara-Isidro-Perez-Self-Betrayal

What do you feel,
After you acknowledge
The betrayal that
You do to yourself?
 
In the stark mirror
Do you see your eyes?
Do you perceive
The truth about self?
 
What is it you see?
An angel face
Or the monster –
From it stares?
 
You want to end it all?
Do you want to die?
Or stubbornness of life
Stops you by?
 
Or you can love it
Give it all you have –
Just like a bed of roses
With the thorns unseen.
 
The betrayal then
Becomes bittersweet
A life of pain
Yet a victory so sweet!

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