Get On With Life…

breakup

Tell me how do I
Get on with my life
Now that you aren’t there
It’s just pain and strife.

The days are long and lonely
The nights spent in sleepless slumbers
The only question worth bothering
Is your absence on my bed unencumbered.

How did you dare to decide for us
It was alright for you to go
Did you even think once
Before you delivered this blow?

Now that you are gone
I thank providence for all
Don’t you ever turn back and come
‘Coz I won’t be waiting to take a second fall.

I move on with my life
One life and all it’s meant for
Foolish would I be to wait
I’m a lot many things and foolish is a lot far.

So now you go
The thin, narrow line you tow.
I’ve lots of catch up to do
My least of chores is you.

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All Them Memories…

Do not say it to me
Let me just feel
No don’t say a word
Let me just heal.

Soak in the warmth
Of your strong arms
Put my head in
Your hands and just calm.

Life is so beautiful
Today that you’re here again
I want to race the winds
Sing in the dancing rain.

Now the time has come
To say the goodbye
You are going away
No salty tears no cry.

One day I’ll go
Wither upon the vine
Memories fade away
Those once glowed and shine.

Curve ball…

curveball

For those of you who have been following my blog know that I have borderline personality disorder aka BPD. So I came to know today that whatever meds I am on will only help me till I am taking them… So that means that either I will have to take them for a long, long time or look for some alternative. Seems like life has thrown me yet another curve ball.

Feeling lost and lonely
Dunno what to do
Someone show me the way
Know not what to say…

Have booked an appointment with another doctor for tomorrow. Let’s see how that goes. I’m trying not to be too pessimistic about it.

Fallen into a dark hole again
Waning strength, waned hope
A smile or two I feign
For people ’round me I remain…

I’m just so tired of it all that I feel like giving it all up sometimes especially right now…But somehow I have to get up and keep going through the motions…

Keep Walking…

Black…

desert storm

Darkness clouds my mind
A fugue state I exist in
A numbness spreads all over
Bone deep cold comes crawling in.

A heaviness in my brain
My heart beats another rhythm
Blood flows sluggishly
Dunno what to do with ’em.

Black is my existence
There’s no light on the horizon
Dark are the clouds surrounding
Even though the sun has risen.

There’s no sleep, no succour
Only the dried barreness of desert
I curl up and curl in
The only comfort is the dry dirt.

There I Go…

lifeanddeath
There I go today
Weaving my dreams
Into tapestries
Of unspoken promises and love.

Here I tarry a bit
By the silver streams
Or a narrow fjord
Somewhere between the green hills.

I soak in the sun
Fly away with the summer breeze
Melt in the ocean deep
Race with the wild winds.

There we go today
From sunrise towards the night
There we go today
From darkness towards the light

Life keeps alternating
Between dawn and moonbright
But in the twilight
It’s just eyes shut tight.

There we go everyday
Follow step by step
Our own shadows do we
Chase round and round.

I’ve got nothing to give
I depart with empty hands
But for smiles or tears
I leave with nothing else.

Limbo…

walking

Being stuck in a limbo is the worst kind of punishment a being can get… You can’t move in or out, forward or backward or any direction… It’s like being stuck in quicksand…the more you struggle the faster you go down… So do anything, get to any place, but see to it that you don’t get stuck in limbo…

I was stuck for two years and I’m coming out of it… It is a daily struggle what with BPD and all… But what I have realised is that BPD or depression for that matter are just labels… Labels one can defeat if one has enough will power, confidence and focus….most importantly, something to look forward to…to come out of the quagmire of darkness, defeat, desolation, drudgery…

Just that BPD takes me on a roller coaster of highs and lows… And when I get low, the going gets tough like shit… That’s when I need all my power to get out of it… to unglue myself from the superglue of darkness…limbo… I hate limbo… Have always hated it…I like to be in motion… Something always going on with my life…in my life.

The two years that brought my life to an abrupt halt were a study in patience for me. And as some people say – Patience is a virtue. So maybe I have become a little virtuous now… 😉 – along with strong and tough.

Keep Walking…

Memories Befoul…

Death

I have lost something today
Lost something important
A piece of my heart
A fragment of my soul
All memories befoul.

In the dead waters
In the dark cesspool
Of blood and bones
Of glory and gore
Have I lost
A piece of my heart
A fragment of my soul.

In the back alleyways
In the stagnating gutters
Among the rotting garbage
Of the yester and yore
Have I lost
A piece of my heart
A fragment of my soul
All memories befoul.

Now the death bell tolls
The death bed is made
All I need to do
Is lie down to sleep
A soft sigh escapes.

A silent step I hear
It gently comes near
Spreads its hand
Lovingly embraces me
My soul it keeps.