Just A Lil Bit…

Whenever I have to travel out of station and leave my family behind, it feels like I’m leaving a part of me behind, as if I am dying just a little bit. I’m reluctant to do so. It’s mighty uncomfortable. I don’t know if it is a part of having BPD or just being me but I certainly don’t enjoy it. I love traveling to different places but I just hate the start of it when I am feeling all sentimental.

I wonder if I’ll ever feel normal about traveling except for when I am with my family. Or maybe I am just overthinking again.

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Today…

Tired feet

Turn to home

Someone’s at the door

Wait in their eyes.

Tired feet

Go home now

It’s time to rest

And rejuvenate a bit.

Tired feet

The day is past

Welcome the night

It’s calm, soothing presence.

Tired feet

The feathers call

Sink in the warmth

In the lover’s arms, fall.

Tired feet

Dream awhile

Tomorrow will be

Today’s an isle.

Mirror

Broken mirror

Shards galore

A million reflections

Whole no more.

Fractured identity

Confusion’s reign

A thousand splits

Unity to feign?

Personalities differ

Existence’s bane

Moods aswing

Mundane or sane?

Weighty issue

Crushed beneath

No Atlas mighty

No laurel wreath.

Struggle accustomed

Accustomed yearning

Infinite loop

Caught in the churning.

“Me” Time…

Drawing a blank each time I think of writing something…. If I lose this then there are only a few things left with me which are worth living for…. The bad dark is coming closer and closer today….is clinging too close to the surface….I wish to shoo it away but I am just too tired…wish someone could do it for me…take away the bad darkness and leave me in peace with the good, soothing darkness so that I could just draw it deep inside me, hide in it and relax and rejuvenate a little bit…sink deep in it….take a little break from the world around me…I need some “me” time…not going to get it any time soon…waiting for next week to come as soon as possible…going for a Vipassana retreat….it will be 10 days of total fun for me…lots of peace, silence and “me” time…. Patience, dear heart, patience…next week is not that far…

In the meanwhile…

Keep Walking…

Darkness…

Hello Darkness, dear friend
Lets fly away together to that special place
Where there’s just you and me
And no one and nothing to chase.

To take a pause from this life
From all the light oh-so-bright
My eyes water or are they tears
How to know now it is night.

That place in dreams that I go to
Whenever you are with me
Wildly attractive, darkly beautiful
Forever mine and yours to be.

That place that we call home
Darkness, old friend, let’s go together
As without you to lighten my path
She disappears from existence into the ether.

Darkness, my friend, do not ever leave me
In the flotsam and jetsam called this life
All my constants are so no more
You are the only that’s no strife.

Life’s Whiplashes…

whiplash
Day after day passes by
Bunched under the same grey sky.
Will the colour ever change?
Will I ever get the rainbow range?

Do I even wish for one?
When all is weighed, said and done.
Or am I destined for monochrome
Dogeared pages of a single tome.

Dreary dull, greying greyed
Opposite to the life I’d made.
The existence is bare now
To live some way, to live some how.

All the living I have to shun
To mingle, to play, to have some fun.
This is to be my penance for my deeds
A desolate carcass for the crows to feed.

Alas! Even the crows have deserted me!
They’ve fixed their sights on greener seas!
Now only am I truly abandoned
Life has departed, I’m shunned.

Again and again I wonder why
Is my destiny to try to cry.
No tears gather upon my lashes
‘Pon my skin, life’s whiplashes.